Solo Parenting Through the Chaos: What I Wish I'd Known
Nobody prepares you for solo parenting.
At least, I wasn't prepared.
I don't recall any mention in parenting books, sandwiched between "Introducing Solids" and "The Pre-Teen Years". There are ‘What to Expect’ books for every stage, it seems, except "What to Expect when Two become One: How to Fly Solo and Keep a Loose Grip on Your Sanity".
My kids are grown now. We made it: they’re alive and I'm grateful they still speak to me.
Why? I made So. Many. Mistakes. And I beat myself up for each and every one.
But now, when I look back?
I was badass. Solo parenting is not for the weak.
So if you are currently in the middle of this journey – then please, allow me to share what I learned the hard way, so maybe you don't have to.
Lesson One: You Don't Have to Be Everything to Everyone
I used to think I needed to be mom, dad, cheerleader, disciplinarian, homework helper, and weekend entertainment committee all rolled into one exhausted human. Turns out, kids don't need you to be perfect at seventeen different roles. They need you to be really good at one: being their person.
The day I stopped trying to be Super Mom and started being Honest Mom changed everything. "I don't know, let’s figure it out" became my most-used phrase.
My kids learned problem-solving.
I learned to breathe.
Lesson Two: Your Kids See Your Resilience, Not Your Failures
While I was cataloging every moment I lost my patience or served popcorn for dinner (again), my kids were watching me get back up every single day. They saw me rebuild, navigate disappointments, and keep going when everything felt impossible.
Now that they're adults, guess what they remember? They remember the times I lost my cool, but they also remember that I did my best. They remember that there were days where I didn't have time for them, but they also remember that I never gave up. And here's the kicker: they remember popcorn for dinner too. And from that, they learned that when they are exhausted after a long day of work?
Popcorn is a solid choice.
Lesson Three: Community Matters
My kids were involved in everything - sports, music, volunteering, clubs, you name it. Trading rides to and from activities? Blessings in disguise. Ears to bounce off of? Priceless. Commiserating and celebrating? Bring it.
Community matters.
Stop trying to look like you have it all together and start asking for help. Real community happens when you show up messy and honest.
Lesson Four: Self-Care Isn't Selfish—It's Modeling
I quickly learned that when I took time for myself, I showed up better for them. I made it clear that I needed my time for my friendships and my activities, and told my girls that not having me available to them 24/7 made me a better parent. And turns out, it taught them independence and resiliency.
Even if "self-care" looks like hiding in the bathroom for five minutes of peace or putting on real pants instead of yoga pants, it counts.
Lesson Five: Solid Boundaries are Key
Boundaries weren't about being mean—they were about staying sane. "If you want a drive somewhere, I need 24 hours notice" and "I will not tolerate this level of mess—you need to pitch in" weren't me being difficult; they were me teaching that households run on respect and teamwork, not chaos and magic.
The beautiful irony?
The clearer my boundaries became, the less I had to enforce them. Kids actually crave structure, even when they push against it. And now as adults, they're the ones with healthy boundaries in their own relationships. They inspire me.
(I'll dive deeper into boundary-setting strategies in my next post—because this topic deserves its own space.)
Here's What Actually Saved My Sanity
Lower your standards. Clean clothes and fed kids? You're winning.
Find your village. Other solo parents get it in ways nobody else will.
Celebrate small wins. Everyone still in one piece? That's a victory.
Remember: This phase won't last forever. Even when it feels like it will.
If you're in the thick of it right now, feeling overwhelmed and wondering if you're enough—you are. You're more than enough. And you're definitely not alone.
